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why have a real life when you can have one on livejournal?

the livejournal version of me

K 2006
first born child to hippie parents, kelly grew up in a stratosphere of warmpth and love. her mama had two more children, little boys, when kelly was nine and then eleven. they lived in a split level home, went on two-week vacations in the summers, enjoyed grill-outs, and believed in santa claus. but when kelly was seventeen, her father, only thirty-seven years old, died suddenly of a heart attack.

kelly's mother, who previously had enjoyed an occasional glass of wine (perhaps her wedding anniversary) became suddenly an alcoholic (over a quart of vodka per day--cheap vodka and diet tonic water) and a lesbian (brought into the home a much older woman who picked up the yoke of day-to-day house upkeep). kelly was fortunate to be seventeen, for she had the opportunity for a quick escape by means of college. her brothers, six and eight at the time of their father's death, have their own stories.
so kelly ran, but she accidentally took the pain with her.

and she hurt and hurt and fell in love and hurt some more and got married and hurt and tried to kill herself (gas oven, sylvia plath style) except a girlfriend discovered and stopped her, and she went to a special hospital and got some help. because of her choice to accept the challenge to heal, she continued to hurt, but a little less, and a little less, and she struggled with why is this so fucking hard, but she'd decided to live and what else could she do besides go to therapy and do her therapy homework. things got better, she got pregnant, had a baby girl, and finally, finally realized what happiness really was. kelly stayed home with the baby while her husband worked and went to school, and kelly eventually got a little lonely and had this internet/phone thing that was very s&m and also pretty pathetic--but kelly was so lonely that she was glad to put her energy where she could rake up so much attention. however, she realized after a while that her bifurcated life wouldn't work and she confronted her husband about her loneliness and her silly telephone affair.

when they realized their marriage could be heading towards divorce, they re-fell in love. kelly was so happy, she started losing weight, she joined a graduate program in creative writing, she was popular for the first time in her academic career. and during the middle of the school year, she got pregnant with her second baby. after her first of two years of the graduate program, she had a baby boy. her c-section abcessed, and kelly was sick for three months while the strange hole in her gut shrunk, and when she finally thought she was well again, she suddenly became ill--she had a staff infection from her second c-section. yet, she was fine, got well again, came through it pretty much unscathed, could even still nurse.

kelly enjoyed a few months of happiness, even though her mother got progressively crazier and crazier, until her mother died (by her own hand or not, kelly isn't sure) on april 1, 2004. though the following months challenged kelly's new adulthood--she was now thirty--and kelly fell into a great depression, she climbed out of it, went to a new therapist, started livejournal, and made a conscious decision to enjoy her time here on this planet whenever the opportunity arose.