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1. First thing you wash in the shower?
pits and under the boobs. (they are closely related, anatomically speaking)

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
i had a gray zip hoodie that gave me pure pleasure. i have lost it. boo hoo.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes. but he's my husband, the only person i'm technically allowed to really kiss

4. Do you plan outfits?
no. i wear whatever until i run out of clean clothes, do a load of laundry, and start all over

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
hurried...trying to finish this cause calvin and allison just got here (note: i always do these things backwards, so i have done them all except the previous four questions)

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
my swiss army knife box

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
i dreamed i started my period and was pissed because i couldn't have sex on my gorgeous new sheets. interestingly enough, i DID start my period two days later.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
not so far

9. What are you craving right now?
chocolate ice cream. new clothes for work. desire and time to write my novel

10. Do you floss?
flossing is for pussies

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
fart

12. Are you emotional?
emotions are for pussies

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
no, but jack counted and wrote all the numbers from 1-200! and he's only 5! (see bellee's pics!)

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
i have it surgically implanted into my stomach

15. Do you like your hair?
it's long! it's healthy! i always wear it up because it's GIANT down. yes i like it, a hell of a lot better than i did when i always kept it short and looked like a lesbian training for the NFL

16. Do you like yourself?
liking oneself is for pussies

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
hell yeah. everything, including a steak, is bigger in texas. i bet old g.w. can grill up a steak!

18. What are you listening to right now?
calvin and allison just walked in the door and are saying hey to everybody

19. Are your parents strict?
no. they are dead.

20. Would you go sky diving?
yes, if tim mcgraw took me and then we went bullriding on a bull named fumanchu

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
i like cottages. i like cheese. but i don't like no cottage cheese. my friends macon and allison do, though, what freaks!

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
little richard!!!! woooo!

23. Do you rent movies often?
we rent kids movies a lot, let hollywood babysit them you know what i mean, otherwise it's netflix or the internet for me.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
the faux diamonds on my FUGLY shirt. see question # 59

25. How many countries have you visited?
italy, switzerland, the netherlands, canada. so four.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
oh my god. back in the days before caller i.d. and cell phones, we made the BEST prank calls. one you can still do: get a group of friends who are "game" and call up a number, do it near a holiday, and the goal is to keep the listener on the phone for as long as possible...go into a holiday preparation tirade and see how long it takes for the person to stop you. call, when they say, "hello?" with the big question sound since they don't recognize your number, immediately launch into how aunt betty messed up the ham and how you still have to buy collards, etc. each person does it, whoever keeps the listener on the phone the longest WINS!

27. Ever been on a train?
yes, when i went to europe as a teenager

28. Brown or white egg?
we had tons of brown eggs from our chickens last year. they are more substantial somehow and the shells were harder. sometimes there was a red spot. those got garbage disposaled.

29.What cell-phone do you have?
a boring but reliable stick phone...no camera on it

30. Do you use chap stick?
no, never, unless it's winter and i got the cracked lips, in which case i use it sparingly

31. Do you own a gun?
cell block's got a little .25 pistol somewhere hidden in the garage but no ammo, so yes i do but no it does not count

32. Can you use chop sticks?
yes i can, but using them to eat rice is a bitch

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
marcel and kids, maybe traci...same old same old

34. Are you too forgiving?
compared to jesus, i'm pretty tight with my forgiveness

35. Ever been in love?
love, as you all know, is for pussies. "in love" is a state of mind that is temporary and has expectations that are so high that it is bound to disappoint. get realistic, folks. real love is willingness to wash dishes, watch t.v. you don't necessarily like, and knowing the ugliest side of another person.

36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
probably not answering her phone

37. Ever have cream puffs?
are cream puffs young girls? does "had" mean "done"? if so, then yes, i was a little hussy that was always looking for a game of "truth or dare" (or "get naked and hump") with other girls when i was in 4th-7th grades. why am i admitting this?

38. Last time you cried?
crying is especially for pussies

39. What was the last question you asked?
to calvin: y'all get your water heater fixed yet?

40. Favorite time of the year?
those first cold days of fall make me totally horny for life

41. Do you have any tattoos?
three! bon jovi forever, georgia peach, superman symbol. furthermore, summertime dictates that the kids and i sport unreasonable amounts of temporary tattoos. (see pool pics in my photos!)

42. Are you sarcastic?
is your mama's ass as sculpted as everyone says it is?

43. Ever seen the Butterfly Effect?
yes, i had a ginormous dookie two days before hurricane katrina. the guilt still eats me alive.

44. Ever walked into a mall?
no, i always ride my hover-motercycle whenever i go to the mall, which isn't often. WTF question is this anyway?!

45. Favorite color?
Green, started when i was a kid and realized Kelly Green was such a fabulous color and had my name in it. since then, i have grown up and yet i have not wavered!

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, i have slapped my mama. and she slapped me back. it was very Y&R.

47. Is your hair curly?
you talking about head hair here? then yes. otherwise, no comment.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
the carter III, bon jovi's new jersey, and counting crows august and everything after...bought all three at once about two months ago

49. Do looks matter?
most functions where looks matter irritate me. i prefer friends, functions, situations where looks are nothing more than a cutsie girly thing to discuss and not important at all

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
i'm pretty generous with forgiveness, but i look at it like this...cheat me once, your bad; cheat me twice, my bad. my guard will be forever up if you cheat me.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
it is the same every month, thanks calvin

52. Do you like your life right now?
liking one's life is for pussies

53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on?
no t.v. in the bedrooms! noooo! and i never fall asleep just watching the tube or whatever. i pretty much have to get into bed to go to sleep.

54. Can you handle the truth?
i'll handle it, caress it, seduce it, and fuck the shit out of it

55. Do you have good vision?
not really. i avoided glasses until i started teaching high school, then i couldn't see the kids fucking off in the back row so i got me some specs

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
i hate you, yo mama, and your unborn children, so, if you have more than one kid in the future, then yes, i hate more than 3 people!

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
5-10 times per day, mostly short "what are you doing later?" conversations

58. The last person you held hands with?
mary when we got up this morning and were still lounging in the bed

59. What are you wearing?
FUGLY at home clothes...a stained tank top with diamonds bedazzled on the collar and (i'm ashamed to admit) some brown "hot pants" or spandex pants or whatever, leggings that go to the knee. like i said, fugly!

60. Favorite animal?
animals are for pussies

61. Where was your default picture taken?
at quentin tarantino's san jose beach house

62. Can you hula hoop?
hula hoops are for pussiesl

63. Do you have a job?
jobs are for pussies

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
2 12-packs of diet dr. k

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
mike's shack house, me and traci somehow managed to get my ass up through his kitchen window. it took, like, 15 minutes and almost killed my fat ass. when we got in there we smoked up his...cigarettes.

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