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q

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
pits and under the boobs. (they are closely related, anatomically speaking)

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
i had a gray zip hoodie that gave me pure pleasure. i have lost it. boo hoo.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes. but he's my husband, the only person i'm technically allowed to really kiss

4. Do you plan outfits?
no. i wear whatever until i run out of clean clothes, do a load of laundry, and start all over

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
hurried...trying to finish this cause calvin and allison just got here (note: i always do these things backwards, so i have done them all except the previous four questions)

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
my swiss army knife box

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
i dreamed i started my period and was pissed because i couldn't have sex on my gorgeous new sheets. interestingly enough, i DID start my period two days later.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
not so far

9. What are you craving right now?
chocolate ice cream. new clothes for work. desire and time to write my novel

10. Do you floss?
flossing is for pussies

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
fart

12. Are you emotional?
emotions are for pussies

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
no, but jack counted and wrote all the numbers from 1-200! and he's only 5! (see bellee's pics!)

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
i have it surgically implanted into my stomach

15. Do you like your hair?
it's long! it's healthy! i always wear it up because it's GIANT down. yes i like it, a hell of a lot better than i did when i always kept it short and looked like a lesbian training for the NFL

16. Do you like yourself?
liking oneself is for pussies

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
hell yeah. everything, including a steak, is bigger in texas. i bet old g.w. can grill up a steak!

18. What are you listening to right now?
calvin and allison just walked in the door and are saying hey to everybody

19. Are your parents strict?
no. they are dead.

20. Would you go sky diving?
yes, if tim mcgraw took me and then we went bullriding on a bull named fumanchu

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
i like cottages. i like cheese. but i don't like no cottage cheese. my friends macon and allison do, though, what freaks!

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
little richard!!!! woooo!

23. Do you rent movies often?
we rent kids movies a lot, let hollywood babysit them you know what i mean, otherwise it's netflix or the internet for me.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
the faux diamonds on my FUGLY shirt. see question # 59

25. How many countries have you visited?
italy, switzerland, the netherlands, canada. so four.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
oh my god. back in the days before caller i.d. and cell phones, we made the BEST prank calls. one you can still do: get a group of friends who are "game" and call up a number, do it near a holiday, and the goal is to keep the listener on the phone for as long as possible...go into a holiday preparation tirade and see how long it takes for the person to stop you. call, when they say, "hello?" with the big question sound since they don't recognize your number, immediately launch into how aunt betty messed up the ham and how you still have to buy collards, etc. each person does it, whoever keeps the listener on the phone the longest WINS!

27. Ever been on a train?
yes, when i went to europe as a teenager

28. Brown or white egg?
we had tons of brown eggs from our chickens last year. they are more substantial somehow and the shells were harder. sometimes there was a red spot. those got garbage disposaled.

29.What cell-phone do you have?
a boring but reliable stick phone...no camera on it

30. Do you use chap stick?
no, never, unless it's winter and i got the cracked lips, in which case i use it sparingly

31. Do you own a gun?
cell block's got a little .25 pistol somewhere hidden in the garage but no ammo, so yes i do but no it does not count

32. Can you use chop sticks?
yes i can, but using them to eat rice is a bitch

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
marcel and kids, maybe traci...same old same old

34. Are you too forgiving?
compared to jesus, i'm pretty tight with my forgiveness

35. Ever been in love?
love, as you all know, is for pussies. "in love" is a state of mind that is temporary and has expectations that are so high that it is bound to disappoint. get realistic, folks. real love is willingness to wash dishes, watch t.v. you don't necessarily like, and knowing the ugliest side of another person.

36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
probably not answering her phone

37. Ever have cream puffs?
are cream puffs young girls? does "had" mean "done"? if so, then yes, i was a little hussy that was always looking for a game of "truth or dare" (or "get naked and hump") with other girls when i was in 4th-7th grades. why am i admitting this?

38. Last time you cried?
crying is especially for pussies

39. What was the last question you asked?
to calvin: y'all get your water heater fixed yet?

40. Favorite time of the year?
those first cold days of fall make me totally horny for life

41. Do you have any tattoos?
three! bon jovi forever, georgia peach, superman symbol. furthermore, summertime dictates that the kids and i sport unreasonable amounts of temporary tattoos. (see pool pics in my photos!)

42. Are you sarcastic?
is your mama's ass as sculpted as everyone says it is?

43. Ever seen the Butterfly Effect?
yes, i had a ginormous dookie two days before hurricane katrina. the guilt still eats me alive.

44. Ever walked into a mall?
no, i always ride my hover-motercycle whenever i go to the mall, which isn't often. WTF question is this anyway?!

45. Favorite color?
Green, started when i was a kid and realized Kelly Green was such a fabulous color and had my name in it. since then, i have grown up and yet i have not wavered!

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
yes, i have slapped my mama. and she slapped me back. it was very Y&R.

47. Is your hair curly?
you talking about head hair here? then yes. otherwise, no comment.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
the carter III, bon jovi's new jersey, and counting crows august and everything after...bought all three at once about two months ago

49. Do looks matter?
most functions where looks matter irritate me. i prefer friends, functions, situations where looks are nothing more than a cutsie girly thing to discuss and not important at all

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
i'm pretty generous with forgiveness, but i look at it like this...cheat me once, your bad; cheat me twice, my bad. my guard will be forever up if you cheat me.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
it is the same every month, thanks calvin

52. Do you like your life right now?
liking one's life is for pussies

53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on?
no t.v. in the bedrooms! noooo! and i never fall asleep just watching the tube or whatever. i pretty much have to get into bed to go to sleep.

54. Can you handle the truth?
i'll handle it, caress it, seduce it, and fuck the shit out of it

55. Do you have good vision?
not really. i avoided glasses until i started teaching high school, then i couldn't see the kids fucking off in the back row so i got me some specs

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
i hate you, yo mama, and your unborn children, so, if you have more than one kid in the future, then yes, i hate more than 3 people!

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
5-10 times per day, mostly short "what are you doing later?" conversations

58. The last person you held hands with?
mary when we got up this morning and were still lounging in the bed

59. What are you wearing?
FUGLY at home clothes...a stained tank top with diamonds bedazzled on the collar and (i'm ashamed to admit) some brown "hot pants" or spandex pants or whatever, leggings that go to the knee. like i said, fugly!

60. Favorite animal?
animals are for pussies

61. Where was your default picture taken?
at quentin tarantino's san jose beach house

62. Can you hula hoop?
hula hoops are for pussiesl

63. Do you have a job?
jobs are for pussies

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
2 12-packs of diet dr. k

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
mike's shack house, me and traci somehow managed to get my ass up through his kitchen window. it took, like, 15 minutes and almost killed my fat ass. when we got in there we smoked up his...cigarettes.

the distance between civilians and vetarans

This I wrote on a veteran's website that asked, "what does veteran's day mean to you?"

I'm a writer. I'm a woman. I'm in my thirties. I have never had family in the military, and I have only known second or third hand anyone who went to Iraq or the middle east during the war now or during the early 90s.

continued...Collapse )
I have a very complicated plot line, but if i could get away with it...mmm! i mean, seriously. but i need help with the logistics. i've read so much about vietnam, but i still can't exactly think of how to execute this.

two characters: nick and reilly, both soldiers in the same squad, reilly is squad leader over nick. reilly is wounded, spray of bullets through arm, he is in post op at the nearest base--right arm amputated just below shoulder. nick also in little hospital, only a superficial ass wound. so, they are together, and reilly, who is a beloved squad leader, who kept their asses alive for the most part, tells nick he's going AWOL and needs nick to help him with supplies, etc..

two maneuvers i have to do. nick has to collect all that stuff (i can do that) but also nick has to do it stealthily and somehow get it somewhere where reilly has

wait. reilly can stay INSIDE the perimeter, sneak out with his squad...

okay. okay. i was freaked because outside the perimeter of the basecamp is hard to work around. there was a lot of friendly fire, american gi's shot....

okay, allison's here gotta run, thank you writing god for that idea. amen.

family profile: calvin and allison

"calvin and allison" is sometimes singular, a unit unto itself. calvin is my brother. allison is his girl. but they are the togetherest couple i have ever known. not a sit together and hold hands every second around people type of couple...they touch only here and there around me anyway. allison just graduate college and calvin is in grad school and they live student lives. now is "off time" and they got all this free time and they spend it all together.

they come over together. they smoke the same cigs (newport 100s, one of which i am smoking right this moment cause they left three over here, harsh man), they have the same keys on their rings, they share allison's purse. if calvin needs it, he says, "where's your purse?" but it's both theirs, they both flip through it the same amount! it's wild!

because they spend all their time together, they consult each other for every activity--mainly because they either do it or don't do it together. rarely do you see just calvin or just allison unless one of them is occupied with either class or work. but watch out, because then you got a wandering soul about you. it's like each is the tether for the other, and when you catch one of them alone, they got a whimsical look about them. it's because they're thinking of what the other might be doing right now.

on the other hand, allison went to europe for over three months last fall/winter...because calvin pushed her to go. she is grateful for his tenaciousness concerning the trip without which she doubts she would have gone. she was gone over thanksgiving! and trust me, calvin was a wandering soul. whoo, boy. he talked about her more when she was gone because she wasn't right there! a phone call from her was both the highlight (when the call began) and rock bottom (when it ended) of his week/day (she called much more often towards the very end). but calvin went on about his business, did well in school, etc. and they reunited afterward more in love than ever!

the attention they give each other reminds me of the attention i give my children. the knowing every second what they're up to, the dreaming and wishing for their lives and futures, the willingness to help however whenever, the day-to-day. it really is an interesting parallel.

calvin and allison love us--my family of five, me being at the top, at least for them!--best of all. perhaps one cannot plot emotion on a graph, but one could plot the number of visits and phone calls and holiday participations, etc. on a graph, and we are at the very top by far. in bright green. with mainly smiles on most dots.

lately i have been watching a lot (an awful lot) of CSI (and CSI:NY and CSI:Miami) on the internet. calvin and allison turned me onto it. and there's this hilarious way the people on the show talk that kills all three of us. it's mainly the NY and Miami guys that say the funniest shit. the david caruso miami guy always says the corniest shit. and just now i saw lieutenant dan gary siniese (sp?) say some joke about noah's ark. (dead guy was noah, a believer in the imminent apocolypse and he did have an ark in his back yard.) and i had the most fond feelings for calvin and allison and how they're there for me. shit, it's not even for me. it's with me. they're there with me through it. they're witnesses. their activism involves actively loving my family. they hear every tiny little detail about my everyday life with interest and love. i mean all the littlest bullshit, like what i swept up out from under the sofa today and shit like that. exactly how i spent the last twelve hours since last we spoke. etc. etc.

love is risky. love like that involves faith. so here's to calvin and allison, in the singular.

Tags:

KILL! KILL! KILL!

first letter of your name, you know the drill

Famous Artist/Band/Musician:
kandinsky (talk about abstract!)
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4 letter word:
kill! kill! kill! (what soldiers had to chant when marching during basic training during vietnam war)
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Vehicle:
kia sportage (100,000 mile warranty!)
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TV Show:
king of the hill
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City:
kameshkovo (this little russian place)
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Boy Name:
kirk, as in captain, also as in my brother
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Girl Name:
kathleen, as in my daughter!
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Alcoholic Drink:
kaluha on the rocks or kaluah and cream or kaluha and vodka and cream! yeah!
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Occupation:
keeper, zoo (that's all i can think of besides killer)
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Something you wear:
kimono (well, i don't personally wear it)
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Celebrity:
kelly mcgillis, the lady in top gun, take my breath away lady
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Food:
kabobs
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Something found in a kitchen:
kitchen aid mixer (if you're martha stewart)
kool-aid (if you're me)
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Reason for being late:
killer headache
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Cartoon Character:
knalp (plank, from ed, edd, and eddy, but spelled backwards, cause this is HARD!)
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Film Title:
kalifornia
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Book:
to KILL a mockingbird (i know, but damn if i couldn't think of shit!)
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Song:
keep the faith
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Animal:
kangaroo
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Character in a movie:
kirk, james t.

Tags:

a wee tribute to the man, mr. fred rogers

it's such a GOOD FEELING to know you're alive
it's such a HAPPY FEELING you're, what? growing inside,

mr. rogers always gave me the creepies, but i always sorta liked it!

he died when i went to baltimore for a conference my first year of grad school, back in '03. personally, i didn't much care. my dad died when he was 37. fred was in his 70's. he shoulda considered himself lucky was my thinking. but today, i feel the feelings of it's such a good feeling...

so, it's such a good feeling:

--eating chocolate silk pie just before it's through thawing

--reading up on vietnam and learing a lot about it, all motivated by moi, not a grade or anyone's approval

--riding around in my new volvo (gently used, new to me)
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--having tasty and meal-making groceries in the old "larder"
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--writing a novel is a pretty good feeling

--getting marcel and the kids packed up and off to church
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--marcel got a big raise, and that's a good feeling. we're almost to the "not struggling every goddam day to not freak about money" phase of our lives!

--listening to rap with raunchy sex proclimations

--watching the y&r on the computer whenever i feel like it instead of at 12:30 m-f
[nick newman in pain:]
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[nick newman's nipple]
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[up-close of nick newman!]
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--han solo and indiana jones both make me have a GOOD FEELING

--walking out of the sunshine and into an airconditioned room, yummy!

--getting a good haul from the library feels great plus free

--i got a lot of friends and family who come by quite often, and sometimes i feel like i appear to not like it, just because i'm not good at faking my moods, but i really do like it, even when i am in a shitty mood. it makes me feel likie i'm in a better mood!



(this is mainly for traci! more nick newman!)Collapse )
traci is my "best friend" in a way that is hard for both of us to define, and it sometimes causes riffs with other friends who are also fabulous friends but do not fall into the category of mine or traci's "best friend" because we each fill those two spots.

in fact, i'd say i'm a better friend to several of my friends than i am to traci. she isn't really in need of a useful, giving friend, the kind of bitch i am. her mom always keeps her kid, her husband is all about getting what they want and does a great job arranging it, and now she's doing great in her career, and she's a private sort of person, or at least selfish with her social time. and there's shit traci can get away with that other people just don't. i can't quite explain it. i don't give traci a hard time about anything, unless my feelings are really hurt. i mean, i give her a hard time about her fabulous new job title (and paycheck) because i'm jealous, but it's obvious i'm being jealous and it's nothing she's done to me--obvious to the both of us. we both shrug our shoulders at each other and don't care...for the most part. what i mean to say is it's casual...our friendship really requires little effort, has few expectations, and is generally a lot of fun.

did you know she lives, like, pretty much down the street from me? i can get to her house from mine crossing over riverside drive. sure, it'd be a bitch of a walk, but it's an easy drive, six or seven minutes.

she lives on huntington drive and i live on woodridge drive. we're in the same school district, and that bela is going to kindergarten literally down the street from me (easy walking distance) is a huge argument of why kathleen should go to public school instead of catholic school. i have this fantasy of mornings when traci goes to work, her dropping bela off at 6:45 and me taking her to school with my kids, bela and jack in the rear seat of my new volvo (yeah, i got a new car. it's used and all, but new to me!) and sort of being bela's nanny even maybe. a couple days a week before and after school...

traci comes to my house a lot more than i go to hers. the main volume of children is already at my place since i have three and she has one, and also, my place is set up so there's two big main rooms for the kids instead of them going all over the fucking house like they do at traci's. but oh, my kids really love traci's house. bela has lots of cool toys that my kids don't have because of traci's (and vince's too) super generous family members and also because there's no JACK to tear all the shit up, which is what happens to all the cool toys at our house.

us living "down the street" from each other has been great. traci's being my "neighbor" has softened a lot of the blows (and there have been many) of living in my mother's house after she died. i've been lonely since my mother died, and i've missed her a lot, and traci knew my mama before and after my father's death, has watched the slow and painful unfolding of me as an orphan. she really "knows" in a way no one else does, knows the me and my perception of my mother and my father and i trust her to understand it the best. my brother calvin and my other brother kirk, they have their own versions of my parents that they will not give up, even though their versions are so different than mine. not that theirs are wrong, it's just that theirs are theirs. traci understands mine through and through. she came to this house when there was a mama and a daddy and three kids, except i was one of the kids, and she was one of the kids' friends. and now here she is being a mama while her kid plays with my kids in the very same house, in the very same gigantic kitchen/dining/computer/t.v room.

traci comes here an awful lot. she often comes over before she gets vince from work. a restaurant gig, 8:30 to 10 m-t and 10-11:30 f-sat. a nice place for her and bela to hang, get some social time in, maybe have a cocktail and whatnot, a juice box and some snack that bela is delighted with cause its something her parents don't get (and trust me, traci and vince get everything they want at the grocery--if they aren't eating good, it's a sign that finances really have turned to shit). bela loves my fridge, the juices i choose, the 43% chocolate chip kroger cookies i get, the melon flavored popsicles i buy (cause their colors aren't as bright and stainy as regular popsicles)...bela also loves this house. she loves the basement and kathleen's room...she reminds us of why this place is cool (i tend to think of it as a moselium, the kids tend to simply be bored of it). and traci and i shoot the shit.

it's the pith of life, this heady stuff me and traci do.

except now i feel like it's all in the past tense. because she's moving to milledgeville (where her fat new job is, and also where two of our best girlfriends macon and bellee live) in the next couple weeks. they gotta get a hustle on because bela's school starts august 1st. chop, chop. traci will be busy moving, and then she will be busy teaching. and i will not have that neighborhood feeling anymore because all my actual neighbors seem to suck.
Check out this lovely list of WAR CATEGORIES i found on wikipedia. i've eschewed encyclopedias for a very long time now, preferring novels (and some nonficiton books) and movies for history lessons. but how fucking convenient! each word is something i can click on! amazing!

(the novel's going swimmingly, by the way.)

War

Military history

Eras
Prehistoric · Ancient · Medieval
Gunpowder · Industrial · Modern

Battlespace
Air · Information · Land · Sea · Space

Theaters
Arctic · Cyberspace · Desert
Jungle · Mountain · Urban

Weapons
Armoured · Artillery · Biological · Cavalry
Chemical · Electronic · Infantry ·
Mechanized · Nuclear · Psychological
Radiological · Ski · Submarine

Tactics
Amphibious · Asymmetric · Attrition
Cavalry · Conventional · Fortification
Guerrilla · Hand to hand · Invasion
Joint · Maneuver · Siege · Total
Trench · Unconventional

Strategy
Economic · Grand · Operational

Organization
Chain of command · Formations
Ranks · Units

Logistics
Equipment · Materiel · Supply line

Law
Court-martial · Laws of war · Occupation
Tribunal · War crime

Government and politics
Conscription · Coup d'état
Military dictatorship · Martial law
Militarism · Military rule

Military studies
Military academy · Military science
Philosophy of war
Peace and conflict studies

Lists
Authors · Battles · Civil wars
Commanders · Invasions · Operations
Sieges · Raids · Tactics · Theorists
Wars · War crimes · War criminals
Weapons · Writers

eight troops killed

eight troops were killed recently. eight more assholes dead! might versus right!

god, i hate this war. this stupid war. i mean, what the fuck are we DOING over there? this is too much like vietnam.

i'm finally writing the part of my novel where nick is in vietnam. (novel main char are nick and penny, brother and sister who basically leave home at ages 18 and 19 in 1968.) and suddenly, because i'm so into my main character, i see "troop" to mean "guy." i see troop to mean guy i love. i don't have anyone in the military that i love, except my main character. and you writer types should know, a writer loves her main characters in a very intimate and up close and personal way.

and now i'm pissed! i'm pissed at u.s. world involvement, how we act like democracy is worth fighting for when really we're the same as our european imperialistic ancestors from whom we gained independence two hundred and, gasp, thirty one years ago. we act as if we want to help other countries govern themselves when really we want them to govern themselves so that our (oil) interests are protected.

in the meantime, what about those marines over there? the soldiers in vietnam knew it was pointless. they knew even as they were humping in the jungle that they would never stop the north vietnamese from fighting. they knew it wouldn't work. and they were right, less than two years after our retreat (after over TEN years of interferrance) north vietnam took over saigon. and that was that. now the whole thing is communist. we didn't change a single goddam thing! except maybe to make our enemy that much more ruthless and trained to kill.

r.i.p. casualties from today's war. r.i.p. soldiers who will get sick years from now from exposure to new technology. r.i.p. KIAs from the vietnam war and then again now. may the military leaders remember those soldiers are NOT simply TROOPS but PEOPLE when they make their big decisions.
here are two HILARIOUS scenes from MY favorite T.V. shows, both of which show the REALITY that T.V. today is better than movies.

this is from RESCUE ME, the first episode of this summer's season, it's a conversation between franco (the finest of NY's finest on the show) and his girlfriend's autistic brother. when me and marcel watched the premier episode together, we ABOUT PISSED OUR PANTS, so if both ME and MARCEL, who have wildly different tastes in t.v. and movies, BOTH think it's funny, then chances are you will to. but you should pee first.

DISCLAIMER: the autistic brother also suffers a bit from tourrette's syndrome, so he randomly blurts out racist words which OF COURSE DO NOT ADD TO THE HUMOR because i would NEVER LAUGH at racism. (it also speaks frankly of people with disabilities, but that don't got no heat like racism, DOES IT?)



and here is when phil got whacked on the sopranos. the funniest part is when the babies in the back seat happily go *bump*!